You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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