Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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