I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
