I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I did not marry a roomba.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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