your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i think my cat just said my name.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
