He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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