Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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