tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
