her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
