I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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