you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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