i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize