no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
