Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
