Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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