why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
