Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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