This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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