Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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