If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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