she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
