I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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