I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize