Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
