I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
