you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
