ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
