The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
