I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
