I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
