I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
