I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
