im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
