question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
