opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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