I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
