i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
