there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His nipple licking is glorious
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