I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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