You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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