you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
a search helicopter?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
