I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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