I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
