Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize