failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
