All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He felt like a one man threesome
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Randomize
