i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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