i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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