You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
