saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
