remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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