Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
