addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
