did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize