Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
