Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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