I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
