too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was CRYING into my vagina
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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