So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
