There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
