she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
