Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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