I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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