then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
