so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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