dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
birth control should be required to get into college
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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