i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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