a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
