I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
