Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
