Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize