i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
