morning after pill = breakfast in bed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
