I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
