why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
