I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
