You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
