Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
