if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
