I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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